A. Dear S.D., Thank you for your trust and confidence in sharing what is an intimate and important aspect of your being with me. It sounds like you and your friend have found a wonderful relationship of sharing yourselves deeply and supporting each other in fullness. This by itself is of great value!

I encourage you to allow your sex together to be whatever is in harmony with the authenticity you already share—and to know that it is perfect! Your openness, authenticity and depth of connection will guide you and your friend to where you want to go. Trust in each other and remain devoted to authentic and conscious relating and everything comprising your relationship will be made much easier.

To experience the depth of your sexual relating together more fully I have a few suggestions that may be of some assistance:

For Yourself: Begin an expanded relationship with yourself and your body by providing "self-sessions" where you alone attend to your sensual desire and body's needs. This could be many different things that feel enriching and nurturing like: taking a luxuriating bath, meditation, yoga, exercise, massage, create art or craft pieces, reading, writing, etc.

When focussing on your body, pay special attention to the messages that come up. Just notice them without debating or analyzing them, let them inform you of something new about yourself. "What one resists, persists." So don't resist these messages with repressive thoughts of control or judgment, its just about noticing, witnessing, and realizing. This is a discovery process informing your conscious self so there are less unconscious motivators showing up to quell your sensual desire. Knowing and accepting all of oneself, as the benevolent steward of one's life is the key.

I also suggest you locate the Tantra community near you and attend some introductory events that will acquaint you with sensual practices that enhance intimacy and feeling one's erotic energy. This is also something that your friend and you can do together. These events are normally sensual and not sexual, and provide a safe container to learn new principles and techniques that enhance erotic experience and expand one's consciousness regarding sexual energy.

For you and your friend together: Trust in the authentic relating you are doing with each other and trust that the sexuality that shows up between the two of you is perfect for you both. Anything that shows up or feels like it wants to be different can be shared between you and compassionately integrated with the love you both bring.

Sexual relationships change over time, growing and expanding with the greater awareness-of-self each one brings to the relationship. Give yourself (each of you) permission to be who you are and where you are (emotionally and psychologically) and with the sexual experience and understanding you currently have—knowing this will change and grow with more experience while you support each other's path of emotional and experiential evolution and transcendence.

A third suggestion: Interview and select an adept Daka (or Dakini, or both) to work with you both. He, or she, will meet your needs for wise guidance with safe and sacred care as you learn about and experience more of your sensual and erotic capacity.

Having an experienced and trained guide that helps one open to receiving more fully and discover one's unique sensual make-up (a huge challenge for many people) is a great aide in self-discovery and unfoldment. Its important to interview a Daka or Dakini and get a feel for their competence and healer's resonance to see if you have an intuitive sense of compatibility.

Regarding your young age. I'm very happy that you wrote me. I'm thrilled that I can be of service to your generation which I have great fondness for. You are the seedlings of the new paradigm -the Aquarian Age! I have no doubt we are all in good hands.

Love and Light,
Sunyata Satchitananda